Why Ask Why??

Ever wonder about these??
You won't need to any more!

[1/08]   [1/05]     [7/99]     [1/99]     [4/98]    [2/98]    [pre-2/20/98]
[Even More Useless Knowledge]

Before 1/08

Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back.

All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

The average housefly lives for about one month.

Look down. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of the day.

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own eggs.

My memory's not as good as it used to be. And, my memory isn't as good as it used to be.

Just curious - why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,
but ducks when they throw a revolver at him?  (2006,07)

Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 ate 9 and 10
Enjoyed your website. -Tony Abad  (2006, 04)


Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

Sign on Septic Truck: "We’re #1 in the #2 business"

Sign on a Maternity Room door: "Push.Push.Push."

Sign on a Taxidermist’s window: "We really know our stuff."

Sign on a Plumber’s truck: "Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Sign at a Muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

Sign in Veterinarian’s waiting room: "Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

Sign at Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills."

Sign at an Optometrist’s Office:
"If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place."

* * *

A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you will get repossessed.

A lot of money is tainted. Taint yours and taint mine.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.


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Before 1/05   - there may be duplicates (so much information, so little time)

Added 12/23/04

Just curious – would a backward poet write inverse?

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

FYI – The man who fell in the upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Halloween Why's

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
He had no guts.

How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch.

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They’re too wrapped up in themselves.

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

What is the dog of choice for vampires?

What do you get when you cross a ghost and an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot.

Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
She flunked spelling.

What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
A Poultrygeist.

What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
Someone with high blood pressure.

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Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I used to be indecisive, but now, I’m not so sure.

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix.  Never drink and derive.

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film.

I used to have a handle on life.  Then it broke.

Coffee is a person who is coughed upon.

Pokemon is a Jamaican proctologist.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?  Nacho cheese.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?  A stick.

What do you get from a pampered cow?  Spoiled milk.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?  Anyone can roast beef.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?  Dam.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?  Polaroids.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?  A nervous wreck.

A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear.

Orchids have the smallest seeds; 1.25 million per gram.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

A Hedgehog's heart beats on the average of 300 times a minute.

Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your wallet.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if 'it' doesn't work anymore?

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

If you transport something by car, it's called shipment.
But if you transport something by ship, it's called cargo.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

When a clock is hungry, is goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?

Old skiers never die.  They just go downhill.

Old cooks never die.  They just bake away.

Old golfers never die.  They just lose their drive.

Old bricklayers never die.  They just throw in the trowel.

Old procrastinators never die.  They just keep putting it off.

Two termites walk into a bar.  One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I’ve lost my electron." The other says," Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I’m positive."

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.

Misty: How golfers create divots.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Rubberneck: What I do to relax my wife.

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Left bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Primate: What my wife does to remove me from in front of the TV.

Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.

Subdued: Like, a guy, who like works on one of those, like, submarines.

Our eyes are the same size from birth, but our nose and ears don’t stop growing. H-m-m.

The winter of 1932 was so cold, it froze Niagara Falls.

‘Racecar’ and ‘Kayak’ are palindromes. They read the same left to right or right to left.

An average American spends 6 months during their life sitting at a red light.

The toughest tongue twister in the English language is "sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick".

When my kids tell me that the world sucks, I remind them that if it didn’t we’d all fall off.

In Nebraska, you can be arrested if your kid burps in church.

Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Control: A short, ugly inmate.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds.

Paradox: Two physicians.

Relief: What trees do in the spring.

Polarize: What penguins see with.

Pharmacist: A helper on a farm.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

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An invisible man marries an invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to look at either.

A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The barman says, "I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything."

"Bookkeeper" is the only word in the English language with three consecutive double letters.

The singer ‘Meat Loaf’ is a vegetarian.

You can burn about 20 calories and hour chewing gum.

An invisible man marries and invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to look at, either.

Two termites walk into a bar.  One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I’ve lost my electron."
The other says," Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I’m positive."

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A woodpecker’s tongue is long enough to wrap around its head 2 times.

The average cost of raising a medium sized dog to the age of eleven is $6,400.
Of course, the loyalty and friendship you receive is priceless.

Pinocchio is Italian for ‘pine head’.

The ball on top of the flagpole is called the ‘truck’.

Why are they called stairs inside, but steps outside?

You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but can you be just whelmed?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

Despite the cost of living, it still remains very, very popular.

Four bullfighters caught in quicksand would be called ‘quatro sinko’.

Why is a boxing ring square?

Weight an evangelist carries with God; 1 billigram

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Neither emus or kangaroos can walk backward.

If heart disease, cancer, and diabetes were eliminated,
 the average life expectancy for humans would be 99.2 years.

Time between slipping on a peel and hitting the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Half an intestine would be 1 semicolon.

1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz

Coffee – a person who is coughed upon.

Frisbeetarianism – The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, and gets stuck there.

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If lawyers are disbarred ... and ministers are defrocked, could

    ... electricians get delighted ?

    ... cashiers get distilled ?

    ... orchestra leaders be disbanded ?

    ... artists' models deposed ?

    ... cooks get deranged ?

    ... musicians get denoted?

    ... cowboys get deranged?

    ... tree surgeons debarked?

    ... drycleaners depressed?

By the way... not all preachers who leave the ministry are defrocked.
       Some are just unsuited!

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?  Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don't have any of?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in “anagram?”

Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.  Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?

If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn’t a Portuguese person be called a Portugoose?

Why is a procrastinator's work never done?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made out of?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Tell someone that there are 400 billion stars and they'll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they have to touch it.

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior?

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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"   She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be removed?

Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Why doesn't a think tank think?


Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

       Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

       Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

       Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

       Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

       If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's
       license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

       Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

       Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

       How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

       If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

       If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

       If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

       If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

       If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

       You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

       Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

       Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

       Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

       Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

       You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

       Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

       If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

       Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

       If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

       Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

       Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

       Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

       If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

       Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

       Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

       Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

       Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

       Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

       If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

       Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

       How can someone "draw a blank"?

       Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

       Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

       Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

       What is another word for "thesaurus"?

       When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

       If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

       Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

       Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?

       Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

       Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

       Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

       Does a fish get cramps after eating?

       Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

       Why is it that, when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?  Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

       What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

       How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

       Why are we afraid of falling?  Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

       Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

       Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

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